Timeline of Schwift's Existence

"“Time, it’s like playing the game Frogger. You’re trying to cross the street, you look one way, then you look another, and the next thing you know some 16 wheeler comes out of nowhere and smacks you temporally. Bam, there goes a decade. Whoopa, there goes half a century. I’m 88, I’ve got arthritis, you know how it is' - Alt Schwift X"

Alt Schwift X leads a non-linear existence, often bending known physical constructs. For instance, he had been born multiple times throughout history, and one of his births occurred simultaneously to him being 88 years old. Schwift himself suggested that he does not exist outside the streams, which could be one possible cause of this anomalous phenomenon.

The Piacenzian Age
Schwift's childhood took place before speech was invented, which would place it from as late as 50,000 years ago to as early as the beginning of the human genus more than 2 million years ago.

The Pleistocene Age
Some of Schwift's best friends were Neanderthals, which suggests he lived through The Late Pleistocene Age, some 130,000 to 40,000 years ago.

Bronze Age

 * 1760 BCE: Schwift was a boy Fighter Anti-Greek-Wrestler.

Classical Antiquity

 * 470 BCE: Birth of Socrates, who was educated by Schwift.
 * 427 BCE: Birth of Plato, who was educated by Schwift.
 * 384 BCE: Birth of Aristotle, who was educated by Schwift.

Late Middle Ages

 * 1369: Schwift was wed for the first time, possibly as a child bride

The Nineteenth Century

 * 1820s: Schwift was born and was a boy during this decade, in an age before thesauruses.
 * 1830s: Schwift was in London town, playing hoops and going by the name "Fingernail Joe".
 * 1838: First Prussian settlers arrived in South Australia; possible year of The Great Wombat Hunt of '38 where Schwift's mother was killed.
 * 1848: Schwift received career counselling in school and was recommended to follow a career as a Sub-Saharan Desert Snowboarder.
 * 1860s: Schwift still in London town, playing with hoops, the fidget spinners of the time.
 * 1880s: Schwift was imprisoned in Guatemala.

The Twentieth Century

 * 1929: Schwift was born, based on his reported age as being 88 in October 2017.
 * 1936: The Great Purge begins in the Soviet Union. Schwift was a young whippersnapper at this time.

The Twenty First Century

 * 2009: On his 80th birthday, Schwift sets the fourth fastest land-speed record on his Zimmer frame.
 * 2017: Schwift posts the first episode of Game of Thrones Abridged on March 1st, the day he was born. Simultanously, he was also 88 years old.
 * 2018: Schwift confirmed that was one year old on March 1st.