Reptilian Schwift Theory



"'I've hooked up with a lot of lizards in my time, and none of them are good kissers.' - Alt Schwift X"

Adding to the many mysteries of Alt Schwift X is the matter of his species. Though at first assumed to be human, his extended lifespan and vast knowledge suggest that he may be something other. One popular theory of Schwift's species identity is that he is a member of the infamous and secret Lizard People.

Evidence
Evidence for his being a Lizard Person is admittedly weak, the main data being his own admittance to kissing lizards, though, this could just be a personality flair, and not an indication of his species.

Further support of the Reptilian Schwift Theory is a short story written by his possible alter-ego Marten Cordial, titled "Cold-Blooded," which features Lizard characters and a strongly lizard-sympathetic attitude. Whether his viewpoints stem from his own experience with his own species or artistic fancy is up for debate.

One final piece of evidence is his twin brother Alt Shift X's interest in YouTube parody account Alt Shift Exe, whose video exposing Ned Stark as a secret Lizard Person first got his attention. Fans ask, why the attraction to this particular video? Speculation is that Shift has a particular interest in Lizard People being a Lizard Person himself.

However compelling the data, the evidence is circumstantial at best, and no hard evidence exists to support this theory. In fact, the main impetus behind the Reptilian Schwift Theory is his fans' burning desire to make sense of his vague and highly varied accounts of himself, and their willingness to resist logical explanation in order to find the schwiftiest answer possible.

Other Musings
The most likely answer to his species identity comes from Schwift himself, who through his possible alter-ego Random Article claims to be a dark eldritch being. Despite Schwift being a notoriously unreliable narrator--(We are hereby compelled to state that Schwift insists that everything he says about himself is true. To which his fans retort, that's exactly what an unreliable narrator would say.)--this may be one instance in which he's actually telling the truth.

Though evidence is scarce, fans consistently search for clues to finally confirm Schwift's species. Whether Lizard Person, dark otherworldly being, or just a regular guy, Schwift's mysterious persona will likely remain just that--a mystery.