Hammond (Brother)

Hammond Port(surname disputed), variously known as "Hello Handicap" Hammond, "Old Hello" Hammond or "Hello Rock" Hammond is the brother of Neolithic Communications Expert, Alt Schwift X.

Hello Rock Incident
On an unspecified date, potentially in his youth(when?), Hammond sustained a serious head injury during a communication exchange involving a Hello Rock. As a result, Hammond suffered from paralysis which left him unable to walk.

Prime Minister
Some time(how long?) after the traumatic injury, Hammond became the Prime Minister of Dunedin, which is a small town in southern New Zealand.

Conspiracy Theory
While Dunedin City in Otago, New Zealand does not have a Prime Ministerial position, it has been hypothesised(by who?) that the current Mayor of Dunedin, Aaron Hawkins, is the public identity of Hammond Port. Prior to becoming Mayor, Hawkins was also involved in a serious accident which left him temporarily unable to walk due to a fractured humerus. The current theory this "Humerus Incident" is a cover-story for the Hello Rock Incident.

Relationship with Alt Schwift X
It is believed(by whom?) that Hammond is not the same individual as Alt Schwift X's more widely known twin brother; Alt Shift X. However, Alt Schwift X described Hammond as "a right old cunt", which is similar to references he has made to his twin. According to his brother, Hammond serves as an important example of the moral story "Sticks and stones might break your bones, but [...] a Hello Rock is only gonna make you the Prime Minister of a small town in in New Zealand".

Notable Relations

 * Alt Schwift X - Brother
 * Alt Shift X - Brother
 * Sally Port - Niece