Schwiftian Theology

Schwiftianism is an apatheistic-polytheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Alt Schwift of X. Its adherents, known as Schwifters, follow the canonical collection of Schwiftian scriptures as a holy text, as well as its oral tradition, which provides further interpretations. It is one of the world’s most prominent religions, with about 37,000 followers and 401 members of clergy as of 2021. As with most of his teachings, Schwift’s theological musings have been scattered, and might seem inconsistent in their original presentation in scripture. But once closely examined and deciphered, a coherent theological doctrine emerges.

History
It seems that Schwift never set out to create a new religion. On the contrary, he is known to have critised the formation of new religions altogether. In his early pontifications, Schwift described the problematic practice of devotees’ disagreements leading to the foundation of new religions. Schwift’s ambivalence towards established religion is in line with his framing of his theological teachings as merely theoretical. However, his disciples zealously practice his preaching, thus defying his theological teachings in an effort to live by them.

Schwift is clearly versed in Greek theologia, and in the theology of Abrahamic religions. Furthermore, he has admitted to having practiced several different, sometimes esoteric, religions. He is known to have participated in Satanist blood ceremonies, later denouncing them as tedious; joined a number of cults, rising high enough in their ranks to organize their events; joined Zoroastrianism, claiming that after which "it took weeks to get the stains out"; and been tutored by a Buddhist on a mountaintop. These experiences incontestably gained Schwift a deep and extensive understanding of religious conventions, and likely influenced the development of his theological ideas.